Change has a way of arriving uninvited.

Sometimes it tiptoes in gently. Other times it kicks the door down and lands like a punch to the gut. One minute you feel steady. The next, the ground beneath you has shifted and you’re scrambling to find your footing.

Unexpected change can trigger something primal in us. A loss of control. A spike of adrenaline. A rush of “What now?” thoughts that spiral far faster than we’d like.

As humans, we are wired to prefer certainty. The brain loves the familiar. It conserves energy by predicting what comes next. Routine feels safe. Even when we are the ones initiating change, it can still feel destabilising. And when change is imposed on us? That’s when the nervous system really starts to fire.

Life, however, rarely follows a neat script.

So how do you steady yourself when everything feels uncertain?

Here are five grounded, practical ways to deal with unexpected change — not by pretending it isn’t happening, but by meeting it with strength, steadiness and self-respect.

1. Take It in Small Steps (Shrink the Horizon)

When change hits, the mind tends to sprint miles ahead.

“What if this leads to that?”
“What if I can’t cope?”
“What if everything unravels?”

This future-tripping is your brain trying to protect you. It’s scanning for threats. The problem is, it often scans too far and too wide.

When everything feels uncertain, your job is not to solve the next five years.

Your job is to stabilise today.

Ask yourself:

• What is the next small, manageable step?
• What do I need to do in the next 24 hours?
• What is one thing I can complete?

Small steps calm the nervous system because they restore agency. When you take action — even tiny action — you signal to your brain: I am not powerless.

Neuroscience tells us that uncertainty activates the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system). Breaking things into manageable pieces engages the prefrontal cortex — the rational, planning part of your brain. In simple terms: small steps move you from panic to problem-solving.

Sometimes that step is practical.
Sometimes it’s administrative.
Sometimes it’s simply getting dressed and going for a walk.

You don’t need a master plan. You need the next step.

Momentum is built in inches, not leaps.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel (Stop Fighting the Wave)

One of the biggest mistakes we make during change is trying to override our emotions.

“I shouldn’t feel like this.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“I need to be positive.”

But suppressing emotion doesn’t remove it. It stores it.

Change can bring grief — even if the change is ultimately positive. There can be grief for the version of life you thought you were living. Grief for the predictability. Grief for identity.

Allowing yourself to feel doesn’t mean collapsing into the emotion. It means acknowledging it.

Name it.
Sit with it.
Breathe through it.

When we label emotions (“This is anxiety.” “This is sadness.”), brain imaging studies show reduced activity in the amygdala. Simply naming what you feel reduces its intensity.

Try this:

• Put your hand on your chest.
• Take a slow breath in for 4.
• Out for 6.
• Say quietly, “This is hard right now.”

Self-compassion is not weakness. It is regulation.

When you allow the emotion, it moves. When you fight it, it lingers.

You are not meant to glide through upheaval untouched. Feeling is not failure. It is processing.

3. Focus on What You Can Control (Reclaim Your Agency)

Unexpected change often feels overwhelming because it highlights what is outside your control.

Other people’s decisions.
Market shifts.
Health diagnoses.
External circumstances.

But while you cannot control everything, you can control something.

Control is rarely about the big picture. It’s about micro-decisions.

You can control:

• How you respond.
• What you prioritise.
• How you speak to yourself.
• Whether you move your body.
• Whether you isolate or connect.

Psychologists refer to this as “locus of control.” People who focus on internal control (their actions and responses) experience greater resilience and lower stress.

When change feels chaotic, draw two columns:
What I can’t control
What I can control

Then deliberately shift your energy toward the second column.

Even choosing to eat well, sleep properly, or maintain routine is a stabilising act. Structure gives your nervous system something predictable to hold onto.

You may not control the storm, but you can adjust your footing.

4. Ask for Help (Connection Regulates the Nervous System)

When we feel destabilised, many of us retreat.

We don’t want to burden anyone.
We don’t want to appear weak.
We want to “handle it.”

But humans are biologically wired for co-regulation. Our nervous systems settle in the presence of safety — and often, safety is another steady human being.

Research on the vagus nerve shows that social connection reduces stress hormones and increases feelings of safety. Even a short, supportive conversation can lower physiological stress markers.

Asking for help does not mean handing over responsibility for your life. It means acknowledging you don’t have to carry everything alone.

Help might look like:

• Talking it through with a friend.
• Seeking professional guidance.
• Delegating practical tasks.
• Saying, “I’m not okay today.”

Sometimes strength is quiet and solitary.
Sometimes strength is saying, “I need support.”

There is courage in both.

5. Look for Meaning, Not Just Positivity (Reframe with Integrity)

When change is unwanted, being told to “look on the bright side” can feel invalidating.

So don’t force positivity.

Instead, look for meaning.

There is a difference.

Meaning doesn’t deny difficulty. It asks: What could this open up?

Psychologist Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, observed that humans can endure immense hardship when they can find purpose within it. Meaning transforms suffering into growth.

You might ask:

• What might this make possible?
• What skills will this stretch in me?
• What version of myself could emerge?
• What had I been tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate?

Often, the change we resist most fiercely is the one that ultimately expands us.

Not immediately.
Not comfortably.
But profoundly.

You do not have to feel grateful for the disruption. But you can remain open to what it may reshape.

Sometimes doors close loudly. Sometimes they quietly redirect you toward something more aligned.

You won’t always see it in the moment.

But hindsight often whispers what panic could not hear.

When Change Shakes Your Identity

Unexpected change often threatens more than circumstance — it challenges identity.

Who am I if this role shifts?
Who am I if this structure dissolves?
Who am I without this certainty?

Identity feels safe because it gives us narrative coherence. When change disrupts it, we can feel unmoored.

But identity is more flexible than we realise.

You are not your job title.
You are not your routine.
You are not the structure that held you.

Those things may support you, but they do not define the entirety of you.

Sometimes change reveals strengths you didn’t know were there.
Sometimes it highlights resilience you never needed to test before.

And sometimes, it invites you to redefine yourself on your own terms.

That can feel terrifying.
It can also be liberating.

A Final Word on Control, Courage and Growth

Unexpected change will visit all of us.

No amount of planning removes uncertainty entirely.

But here is what experience teaches quietly over time:

You are more adaptable than you think.
Your nervous system can settle.
Your confidence can rebuild.
Your footing can stabilise.

Change does not mean you have failed.
It does not mean everything is collapsing.
It does not mean you are incapable.

It means life is moving.

Take it step by step.
Feel what you feel.
Reclaim what you can control.
Reach out.
Look for meaning.

And most importantly — trust that this moment, however uncomfortable, is not the end of your story.

It may simply be the beginning of a chapter you never would have chosen… but might one day be grateful you lived through.

Even when it starts with a sucker punch.

If you’re navigating unexpected change right now, pause for a moment.

Take one slow breath.

Then ask yourself:

What is the next small step?

That is enough for today.